


We’ll Get Through This, Together

by bexgempisces



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Aos season 4, Coping Mechanisms, Grief/Mourning, I Tried, It’s not as sad as you think, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, Skye|Daisy Johnson needs a hug, Skye|Daisy Johnson’s powers, Slight suicidal thoughts it’s not a lot tho, Tattoos, Team as Family, well maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-10
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25181467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bexgempisces/pseuds/bexgempisces
Summary: She’d missed the tremors, the faint rumbling of the floor that shook the bed and rattled the drawers of the dresser. She knew it could only come from one place: Daisy.Daisy wakes the base up with a  nightmare and panic attack and May learns a lot about her protégé.Set somewhere in season 4 when Daisy comes back but May hasn’t been switched yet.
Relationships: Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Melinda May, Phil Coulson & Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 182





	We’ll Get Through This, Together

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, so this is my first fic I’ve ever posted and I really did try to make it make sense. Watching season 4 I noticed a lot of destructive coping mechanisms Daisy was using and so this was created.  
> I love the May and Daisy dynamic and honestly wish we got a lot more of it in canon.  
> This is kinda dialogue heavy.  
> WARNINGS: self harm - it’s talked about a lot in the fic and the cuts are described.  
> Talk about suicide: it’s very brief  
> But also Daisy asked the ghost rider to kill her and kept throwing herself into suicidal missions and it was never talked about? Like that kinda wasn’t okay.  
> Anyway, please enjoy this and let me know what you think!

Melinda May wasn’t asleep when the tremors started. There was too much to think about for her to be sleeping, Daisy was back, Radcliffe had built an AI robot, no one trusted the new Director, so much was happening she couldn’t sleep for thinking about it.

She’d missed the tremors, the faint rumbling of the floor that shook the bed and rattled the drawers of the dresser. She knew it could only come from one place: Daisy.

But whilst the quakes provided the comfort that Daisy was back with them, back with her family at long last, it also meant Daisy was trapped in a nightmare.  
The whole team had gotten used to the nightmare quakes when Daisy got her powers. Any time Daisy had nightmares(which was frequent)her body made the whole base tremble.

They tried to stop them at first, concerned about the structure of the base and wiring of monitors. Simmons suggested tranquillisers and Fitz suggested updated sleeves to suppress Daisy’s powers in her sleep. Both ideas were turned down because Daisy had slammed out the room crying. That was also the day they got reinforced glass installed.

They soon learned that whilst Daisy’s quakes rocked through the base, nothing was in danger of being destroyed. She could control it now, it never did any damage it only sent gentle rumbles through the Playground.

When Daisy left no one could sleep for a week, they had gotten so used to the gentle rocking of their beds and floors during the night that it felt wrong to sleep without them.

So now that she was back, they were almost relishing in the quakes. It meant she had returned, albeit a little broken and bruised. The harsh black lines and deep purple splotches covering Daisy’s arms were burned into Mays retinas and she couldn’t understand how Daisy had let it get so bad.

Well, she did, she just didn’t want to believe it.

It was the lights flickering that had May out of bed. Daisy’s quakes usually only trembled the base, it never caused actual damage.

May chucked on a sweatshirt as she raced out the door, worried about Daisy and the base itself. She passed others in the hallway, the team and new recruits all with confused or worried expressions. She was too busy flying toward Daisy’s bunk to snap at them to go back to bed but she caught sight of Mack ushering them to bed and knew it would be okay.

What wasn’t okay was the quake beneath her feet as she got closer to Daisy’s bunk. They were stronger here, causing her to falter slightly as she reached the door.

She could hear whimpers and cries from inside. The quake intensified before it suddenly quelled, softly decreasing to a gentle rumble. Daisy’s cries stopped but May could still hear muttering from inside.

She turned the knob before realising the door was locked. Daisy had never locked the door before she left.

“I know the combination, watch out the way Mel.” Phil appeared at her shoulder. He was still in pajamas clearly just out of bed like her.

“I didn’t even know she had put a combo lock on the door.”

“She asked Mace for one. Didn’t say why.”

“I’m not surprised.”

Phil finally got the door unlocked but stopped before going through the door.

“I don’t want to overwhelm her. You go in Mel, if she wants me I’ll be out here.”

“Thanks Phil.”

However, May was not prepared for what was waiting for her behind the door.  
Daisy was curled up, legs pressed to her chest and her hands pressed to her ears. Tears tracked down her face, her eyes were wide and staring at a spot on the wall. The blankets were tightly wrapped around her and she was whispering to herself.

May approached the bed slowly and cautiously so to not startle Daisy. Daisy didn’t even look at her keeping her eyes focused on the wall and May didn’t know if she’d even realised someone was in the room at all.

As she got closer she heard what Daisy was saying.

“My name is Daisy Johnson. I am in control. I was born in China on July 2nd 1988. I am in control. I have a tattoo on my ribs and on my left wrist. I am in control. My name is Daisy Johnson. I am in control...” she kept repeating this over and over again.

May waited until Daisy finally took a breath and closed her eyes to approach her.

“Daisy?” She whispered.

Daisy finally took her hands down from her ears and looked at May. The look of shock and recognition made May realise that that was the first time Daisy noticed there was someone else in the room.

“May?” Daisy whispered, voice hoarse from her mantra and crying.

“What happened?”

“I um, had a nightmare.”

“I know that, the base was shaking. I meant why were you repeating that stuff about yourself?”

Daisy flushed a little as if embarrassed.

“I um, I had a panic attack. I thought Hive was back in my head. He was in my nightmare, whispering again. A while back, I learned how to stop it.”

“He was whispering to you?”

“Yeah, uh, when he was you know, controlling me,” Daisy said, but she had to force the words out,”his voice was always in my head. Telling me what to do and that. I thought he was back, it’s not the first time.” Daisy admitted the last bit, head bowed like she was ashamed.

“Can I sit down?” May asked tentatively.  
Daisy scooted over the bed, letting her legs slide down. Her hands were trembling but the quakes had stopped. May sat next her, cross legged, her knee touching Daisy’s.

“It happen a lot?”

“Every couple of days. Mainly in my nightmares. He’s there quite a lot. Saying all this awful stuff. And I always wake up and panic because I can still hear him. When I was away, in Missouri I think, I was in this motel. I’d found an Inhuman, they didn’t want to sign the Sokovia Accords so I promised I’d get them safe. We were just stopping for the night. I woke up and panicked and couldn’t calm down. She was a therapist. She got me to tell her true stuff about myself. My name, my age, something about my body. Told me to tell myself that I was in control, Hive was gone. I got her settled but I kept hold of the routine. It normally works.” Daisy confessed.

“Normally?”

“Sometimes it’s too far gone, too long in a nightmare or I can’t remember what I’m supposed to say to calm myself down.”

“What happens then?”

Daisy stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath and May could see her emotions warring with themselves in her eyes. Guilt, shame and helplessness fought with each other until Daisy exhaled and closed her eyes for a moment.

“That’s when I have to...have to...” Daisy stuttered, trying to find the words and failing.

“Have to?” May prodded, she didn’t want to push Daisy but she had to know what was going on with Daisy after her time away.

“I have to hurt myself.” Daisy whispered, clearly ashamed.

Mays heart sunk. This was what she feared. She could tell after the prison fight that Daisy was trying to find a way to pay for all she’d done, she could tell by her arms that was using harmful coping methods, could tell by her eyes she was haunted by ghosts.

And May understood that pain, after Bahrain.

“In what way?” May said eventually.  
Daisy’s lowered her eyes and took a deep breath before saying,

“I um, I have to show you.”

She took off her shirt carefully to avoid moving her splintered arm too much, when she turned back around she lifted her left arm gingerly to show May a long line of deep red cuts along the side of her body. They were clearly done with a sharp knife, the edges clean and precise.

“Oh, Daisy.” May said softly, she reached a hand tentatively and ran her fingers down the cuts. Some were scarred over, a soft pink in Daisy olive flesh. Others were fresher, still red and welting. Daisy flinched a little as May ran her fingers over the cuts, they didn’t hurt, just no one had touched her so gently in a long time. She hadn’t let them.

“Did it help?”

“Sometimes. It broke me out of my panic, I couldn’t hear him, IT, anymore, I knew if I was hurting from something I did I was in control. But I felt so guilty after, and some of them hurt so bad.” Daisy was crying again, May was surprised she hadn’t run out of tears yet.  
May tracked her eyes over Daisy abdomen, away from the stacks of cuts to two scars on the left side of her body, she could clearly remember these, could see Daisy’s small form in the chamber.  
What caught her eye was the splattering of black ink on Daisy’s rib cage just above the top scar. There was other scars, surgical ones from the attempts to fix the damage of the bullets from Quinn or fresher ones clearly from stab wounds or stray bullets May could only guess happened on missions or fighting Watchdogs.

“Is that one of your tattoos?”she asked, steering the conversation away from where it was clearly hurting Daisy to talk about.

Grief filled Daisy’s eyes as she looked down at her stomach.

“I uh, I got that for...for L-Lincoln. Two months after he died I think? There’s this shop in Fort Payne, Alabama. I was taking down a Watchdog cell and settling this Inhuman kid who was thrown out by his parents. They didn’t ask any questions.”

“What does it mean?” As far as May could tell it was a dot to dot puzzle, black dots connected by thin black lines.

“It’s the Zeus constellation, the uh, the god of lightning. I thought it was fitting because of his powers.” Daisy’s fingers joined Mays as she traced the tattoo.

“It’s beautiful. You said about it in your panic attack. And one on your wrist?”

“Yeah, Daphne, the Inhuman that taught me how to deal with them told me to ground myself in my body, tell myself something true about it.”  
Daisy brought her arm over to May so she could see it, it was coordinates.

“It’s the location of the first mission I ran with Trip. The mission was a failure, I don’t know if you remember, we infiltrated a HYDRA cell. Somewhere in Chicago. It was supposed to be in and out, he provided backup I got the intel. But we were ambushed, Trip went down after they shot him in the leg. There was so many of them, first stab wound I ever got, that one,” Daisy recounted, pointing to a faded scar on her leg, exposed in her sleep shorts,”We got out eventually. I don’t remember who our extraction was but they missed us. We had to stay in some apartment, a hole in the wall really. We stitched each other up. Trip was always much better at field first aid.”  
And May did remember that mission, remembered reprimanding Idaho for missing the extraction, remembered the medic they had on base complimenting the neatness of Trips stitches and the messiness of Skye’s, remembered being so proud of the two of them because even though their mission had failed, they worked well together. It felt like decades ago Daisy had been Skye and a normal Shield agent.

“You got better at stitches then.” May teased in a desperate attempt to get Daisy to smile.

“Kinda had to, what with me going off on an existential crisis, suicide mission.” Daisy replied, a hint of self loathing in her voice.

“Hey, I know everyone is still mad you left, I’m still mad but if it’s what you needed then I’m glad you put your mental health first.”

Daisy shrugged before saying, “But it didn’t. I wasn’t putting my mental health first, I was running away, I wanted to pay for what I’d done, I wanted to-“ she stopped herself before admitting the truth.

“You wanted to die didn’t you?” May breathed. She knew the truth, knew it from the moment she saw Daisy in the quinjet after the prison. She could see her self reflected in Daisy’s eyes, she saw the same guilt monster in the mirror for years after Bahrain.

Daisy lowered her head, looking away from May before nodding.

“I was the same after Bahrain.” May admitted.

“That wasn’t your fault.” Daisy said immediately.

“And it wasn’t your fault Lincoln and Trip died either.” May said back.

Daisy faltered before saying,”Yes it was, it’s always my fault. Death follows me. The agents who died when I was a baby, Eric Koenig, Trip, my mom, all those Inhumans who died, Lincoln, all the watchdogs, May, there is so much blood on my hands.” Daisy choked out.

“No.” May said firmly, Daisy would never believe this but she had to say it, she gripped Daisy’s hands tightly before continuing,”Your hands are only bloody from the people you have to brought to justice, that is clean blood Daisy. All the people that have died are not your fault. They died to protect you and the rest of the world. Your mother would have killed everyone if you hadn’t stopped her and Andrew killed those Inhumans not you. It’s not your fault Daisy.”

Daisy collapsed into her at that point, sobs wrenching from her and the sound twisted Mays heart. They were low and guttural and so full of pain May could feel the weight they carried. The quakes picked up again, the force of them rattling through Mays body and shaking the bed but she held onto Daisy. Too many people had let her go before, she was not going to be one of them.  
It felt like hours later when Daisy finally lifted her head. Her tears had soaked through Mays sweatshirt but she didn’t care.

“I can’t believe you’re wearing it.” Daisy croaked out.

May looked down at her sweatshirt and realised it was the Mulan one Daisy had gotten her for her birthday one year.  
When Daisy had given her it, she had rolled her eyes and smirked at the irony, but secretly she glowed inside. She wore it to bed every night when Daisy was gone, still smelling Daisy’s vanilla bodywash after hugging the girl.

“Of course I wore it, you gave it to me.”

“I’m so sorry May.”

“What for?”

“Everything.” Daisy said solemnly.

“You have nothing to be sorry for Daisy. I’m sorry, sorry we didn’t see how much you struggling sooner.”

“It’s not your fault, I keep it well hidden. I have to be a badass ninja superhero Quake all the time.”

“Not in here you don’t.” May said, keeping her arm firmly around Daisy. She let her fingers drift over the cuts on Daisy’s side.

“But we do need to find you a therapist or something. This isn’t healthy or good for you, you know that Dais.”

“Last I remember that didn’t turn out so well.” Daisy said, voice full of regret again.

“Andrew wasn’t your fault either, his decisions were his own.”

“I know, but my heart says something very different to my brain.”

“Well find you someone Daisy. You need to heal.”

“Can’t I just talk to you or Coulson, considering he’s outside the door?” The girl replied, catching May off guard.

“How did you know he was out there?”

“I can sense the vibrations.”

“Cool trick. You want me to let him in?”  
Daisy nodded, curling her legs under herself, pulling her shirt back on.

“Jemma’s taking a look at them first thing by the way.” Daisy groaned, but she smiled.

“You okay, Daisy Chains?” Coulson asked as soon as May opened the door.

Daisy laughed softly at the nickname before nodding and saying, “Better now.”

And maybe she wasn’t, maybe she hadn’t been for a long time. But this was her family, it was a little broken and bruised, but she had made it. And they would help put each other back together again. Together.


End file.
